Sunday, October 12, 2008
Life, "Ask a Bachelor"

Perfect strangers

Wouldn’t the man of your dreams at least give you his digits? 

By Blane Bachelor

Q Hi Blane. I need your advice. I just met the man of my dreams last Friday at Nava: Jason. However, he only introduced himself and didn’t ask to exchange numbers—even though we had the best conversation and there was clearly chemistry on both sides. How do I find him? I only have his first name.—Jonesin’ for Jason

A Well, let me put my matchmaking cap on and try to help, Jonesin’. Anybody named Jason reading this who met someone at Nava recently (but, um, “forgot” to get their phone number)? If so, and you want to take advantage of this INCREDIBLE! ONE-TIME! ACT-NOW OFFER! for a second chance, drop an e-mail to me at askabachelor@sundaypaper.com. Then I’ll put you in touch with the letter writer and you two can take it from there (and I won’t even charge you anything!).

But as much as I’d be tickled pink to channel a love connection for you with this space, I wouldn’t count on it. Why? ’Cause if a dude really wants to see you again—if there’s really “chemistry on both sides”—he’s going to make damn sure he has a way to get in touch with you. It may have been a great convo for you, but for Jason, it could have been just a way to kill time before his girlfriend showed up for their romantic dinner date. And describing someone as the “man of your dreams” after this brief exchange? A tad premature, don’t you think?  

But onward to your question. I’m sure by now you’ve spent oodles of time frantically scouring the likes of Facebook and MySpace for combinations of “Jason” and “Atlanta.” Not sure if you’ve had any luck, but with only a first name, you’re not going to get very far with other online people-finders, either. And don’t even think about hiring a private investigator, which would be even creepier than cyber-stalking.

So why not just go back to Nava a few times and see if you run into dear Jason again? Either way, I see a beautiful relationship in your future—with those delicious prickly pear margaritas they serve. Just don’t drink too many, so that next time you meet someone at Nava—or anywhere else—you’ll be able to read the chemistry much more clearly.

I hope you’ll be able to print this letter, because this is something I’ve been a little embarrassed to talk to my close friends about. My husband and I have been married for six years, and for the most part it’s a very fulfilling, wonderful relationship. We’re very happy together. I’m thankful to have him and to be blessed with two great children.

But lately the sex has, not surprisingly, become dull, dull, dull. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been with someone for 10 years! So one afternoon, after I split a bottle of wine with a friend over lunch, I decided to do my part to spark it up. I ventured into a wig shop and bought a sexy blond wig. I’m a brunette, and I thought my husband would appreciate the change. I was right! Sex that night was incredible, and has been every time since. But I think I’ve created a monster. Every time we have sex now, my hubby wants me to put the wig on. I wouldn’t mind it every once in a while, but I’m starting to feel I’m not good enough with my natural hair. Did I make a mistake with the wig? Sometimes I feel like burning it.—Wigged Out

Did you make a mistake by buying the wig? Hell, no! The only mistake you’re making is turning this into something way bigger than it needs to be. No need to get all emo with comments about not being “good enough with your natural hair” (which sounds frighteningly similar to a hair plug testimonial, by the way) and wanting to torch the very item that’s sparked your stagnant sex life. I guarantee you, your husband is so grateful for you taking the initiative that all you have to do is tell him, gently, that you’d prefer bringing out the wig every other (or third) time. He’s not a mind reader, and if you haven’t yet let him know how you feel, he’s probably just still enjoying the novelty of bedding a familiar-looking blonde.

Look, after being together for 10 years, it’s no secret that variety is the spice of (love) life. Props to you for adding some more to yours. Your hubby’s lust for you as a blonde doesn’t mean he’s dissatisfied with you in any way, so stop making a big hairy deal out of this and enjoy the spicier sex. SP
Freelance writer and columnist Blane Bachelor doles out dating and relationship advice in this space every week. Submit your questions at www.askabachelor.com.