Sunday, January 24, 2010
Life, "Ask a Bachelor"

One seriously hot mess

 

By Blane Bachelor

 I did something kind of stupid recently. I’m wondering if there’s any way that I can recover and save my relationship. About a month ago, my boyfriend and I decided we needed to break up. It was mutual, painful as it was. I went out one night with some girlfriends, and I had A LOT of gin and tonics, and I met this guy. We danced and were kissing and flirting (that’s all). He asked me out for the next weekend. I was happy to have a distraction from the pain of the breakup, even though I still missed my boyfriend.
So, the date. This new guy turned out to be NOTHING like I thought (he was crazy weird), and during the night my boyfriend texted me that he missed me. While the new guy was in the men’s room, I texted back that I missed him too. Somehow that exchange made me very sad, so I ended up getting really drunk again with the new guy, and invited him back to my apartment. We were kissing on the couch when all of the sudden my phone rang—it was my ex downstairs wanting to come up! It was such a mess. The new guy left, my ex figured out that I wasn’t alone and left too, and OMG, catastrophe. They may have even run into each other in the parking garage. Neither is speaking to me now. What can I do?—Heartbroken

 First off, I must share that I’m writing this column sitting in the waiting area for a CVS Minute Clinic. More specifically, I’m crammed on the floor against a rack of greeting cards because there are only FIVE FREAKIN’ CHAIRS for patients during cold-and-flu season—only the busiest time of year—and three of those five are taken up by a magazine-reading mom and her two kids, one of whom obviously needs a refill for his Ritalin, because I can hear end cap displays tumbling down as I type, and the other of whom hasn’t been taught how to COVER HER MOUTH WHEN SHE COUGHS. And the friggin’ pharmacy phone is ringing off the hook. And everybody, including myself, is hacking like we’ve just been dusted with Agent Orange. And I just noticed that there’s an enticing display of walking canes within easy reach.

All of which is to say that if I’m even snarkier than normal this week—or if you see a report on the news about a seemingly normal young woman arrested for assault with a cane in a Minute Clinic waiting area—you’ll know why.

So, lookit, Heartbroken, I’m afraid the best I can offer you, since you’ve already tried to explain things to your ex-boyfriend (emphasis on ex), is to not answer the phone next time you’re sucking face late at night. That, and ease up on the G&Ts.

I’ve been living with one of my closest girlfriends for several months now. We met four years ago and have been in the same social circles since. Living together has revealed some behaviors I don’t approve of. She frequently brings home men, which wouldn’t be a serious issue—except that they’re rarely single. She sometimes becomes invested in one guy, who says he’s going to break up with his partner, but it never pans out. It’s hard to be sympathetic to her constant complaints about being single when all she does is bring home men who are taken and probably bad news anyway. To top it all off, I know many of these men—and their girlfriends. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable and has shed light on a side of her that I dislike strongly. I care a lot about our friendship, and I’m afraid her poor judgment is going to keep her unhappy, drama-ridden and single. How do I confront her?—Concerned Non-Prude

Close friends living together are like that poem about the little girl with the curl on her forehead: When it’s good, it’s very, very good, and when it’s bad, it’s horrid. Or something to that effect. What I’m trying to say is, too bad you didn’t know the cardinal rule about roommates before bunking up with this girl: Close quarters can wreak havoc on even the closest of friendships.
But maybe you can use your history in your favor. Say you’re seriously concerned about seeing this behavior—that she deserves so much better than meaningless one-night stands with guys who don’t respect her. And I’d have to disagree that constantly hauling men home isn’t a serious issue. She’s obviously low on self-esteem, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she lets these guys get away with whatever they want between the sheets (i.e., not covering up their love stick).
If that conversation seems too difficult, then approach it from the roommate angle. You’re sharing an apartment, not a brothel, and you shouldn’t have to worry about a parade of dishonest dudes traipsing through your shared space at all hours. Whatever you do, I’d advise against signing another lease with her.

Meantime, you might want to consider extracting yourself from the social circles you and your randy roomie have been running around in. Even for a non-prude, they don’t exactly sound healthy. SP
Blane Bachelor is an Atlanta-based freelance writer and SP’s resident romance expert. Got a dating or relationship dilemma for her to answer? Submit it at www.askabachelor.com.